Don't Blink Or I'll Tell My Therapist About The Neighbor's Dog

I've got emails out to several members of my family concerning some genetic information I need in regards to Dexter's condition and I would really, really appreciate it if you would answer it. Thus I am giving notice on this blog that if you don't respond I will publish your name, address, and brief description on the internet telling everyone you ignored me. You don't want this. I have more psycho readers than you think.

For instance, one lady keeps emailing me claiming that she gave me up for adoption 32 years ago and wants to reunite. I'd consider her claim on maternity, however, carbon dating verifies that I am only 28 years old. Unless carbon dating is a flawed science which we all know it is. This would mean that there is a chance I've been lied to about my everything and am now inconveniently late for my scheduled 30 year breakdown and my actual mother sells porcelain unicorn figurines from a roadside stand. If any of that is true blink twice. I am sooooooooo sending you people the bill for my therapy.

Now go check your email.