Poor Innocent Breastmilk Nazi

Yesterday I recieved a call from a young girl who evidently has decided to make breastfeeding her soapbox. I have no idea how in the world she heard of me, although I suspect the nazi lactivist nutritionist who likes to tell me regularly that Dexter is going to grow up fat and stupid for being on formula (as if I have any control over this as I couldn't make any friggin' milk!).

Anyway, she recommended that I breastfeed Dexter laying upside down off the side of the bed to help compensate for his lack of chin. Yes, she said this in all seriousness. She felt that if more women would look for unique solutions to their breastfeeding problems that they could also breastfeed which offers a unique and beautiful bond that formula feeding just can't compare with. She wanted to give me the opportunity to bond fully with my son. She had so enjoyed the experience with her ONE child. She was just as sweet and innocent as could be; she was absolutely dripping with a sincere effort to save the world through breastmilk.

I was in a piss poor mood and this was just the last straw. I told her that she had interrupted a nap I was taking with the chinless wonder which made it more difficult to smother him in his sleep. I also told her that I was brewing more poison formula in the backroom and she was taking up my valuable time that could be spent attempting to flood my son's system with the formula, er Stupid Juice to fatten him up. I ended my tirade with telling her that I might call her back after I put the animal, er baby in it's cage. I also told her I had 5 children, with 4 of them being breastfed and as soon as she could match that experience factor she should feel free to call me back and we'd have tea. I also added in she should research micrognathia and the ramifications of a massive postpartum hemmorage so she could at least pester people with actual facts and not a telemarketing script on lactation.

And she began to cry. I should feel bad, but I don't. That's not surprising considering what a callous formula feeding biatch I am. As a reformed nazi lactivist myself, I have to say that the tunnel vision it encompasses cannot be defeated until they experience the actual inability to make milk. So I'm putting a hex on her. I hope her boobies wither up and fall off. Good riddance.

Here's pic of my poor, poor abused unbonded with, obese and simple minded child. Poor thing. Life is so damn hard................ ;)

I wonder if I can blame the formula for the fact that his head is perfectly spherical?