Fall Of Modern Society Fault of Gnomes & Bionic Woman

The reason civilized world is going to fall and be trampled underfoot lies in family size. Our society is having less and less children while undesirable counterparts (I'll give you a hint: they call us dogs and it isn't an affectionate term for peeps in the ghetto) are actually having more children at an alarming rate. We're talking our meager little families of 2 facing off with families on average of 7 or 8. I won't bore you with the math but even half of those kiddos grow up to be suicide bombers versus business owners then western society and its ideals will be extinct by 2052 (actually I don't have data to back up that date. *wheeze wheeze - Luke I am your father - no wait, I can't back that up either*)

So the question is why is our society in general choosing to forgo children? Hmm? I could point out the obvious like expensive cars, personal freedom, designer clothing, and concert tickets that don't involve the Wiggles, but I say let's dig a little deeper.

The reason we've stopped having children is as follows:

• Gnome Pajamas. No man wants to have sex, thus procreate, with a woman who is wearing flannel button up pajamas sporting gnomes. Therefore I present to you the theory that garden gnomes are partially responsible for the downfall of modern society as we know it.
• The Bionic Woman also carries a notable portion of the blame. Lindsay Wagoner is selling beds that are so comfortable (rumor has it) that people don't want to create little lumps of humanity that force them to abandon their custom sleep number at 2 in the morning for years on end. Damn the Bionic Woman and her Sleep Number Bed!

I know these things. I know these things because my son gets up every night at, oh about, 2:30AM and stays up until 5AM. I have time to work these things out.