Breastfeeding Blues

Can you believe I'm still awake at this hour? Yeah, me neither........... although I guess with a newborn in the house it isn't particularly shocking all things considered. LOL.

Pardon the lack of updates, but I've been struggling through some breastfeeding issues. It began in the hospital where I THOUGHT he was latching on and I THOUGHT he was nursing, but as he became highly jaundiced and lost like 13% of his body weight, I was informed otherwise. Thus, they only agreed to let him come home IF I swore to supplement with formula. Which I begrudgingly did, of course.

Once home, I continued to work on breastfeeding but with no real luck and was no longer able to get him to even PRETEND to latch on. The reason for this became clear at his first pediatrician appointment. Dexter has micrognathia, which is in essence a recessed chin, and makes it very difficult for him to properly latch on. I was so disappointed, but I came to terms with it - we would just pump.

However, days passed and my milk never came in. What did the latch matter anyway if there was no milk to start with? I had been told in the hospital that my milk might not come in at all due to the extreme postpartum hemmorage I experienced and it's effect on my ?pituary? gland, but I didn't take that too seriously. I should've. So I tried all the old wives tales - tea, coffee, excessive water, oatmeal, etc. I ordered some Fenugreek and some Blessed Thistle (although I am still waiting their arrival in the mail) and finally resorted to calling my OB and asking for a prescription for Reglan to try to force my body to lactate. Reglan is a prescription for gastro-intestinal reflux but has the odd side effect of upping a lactating women's milk supply by 66% to 100%. I started the prescription on Wednesday.

Anyway, I can see the effect of the Reglan on my milk supply, but unfortunately I also see its side effects happening more regularly on a daily basis. I'm dizzy, itchy, twitchy and unable to sleep. I can deal with all these things in exchange for a milk supply, and it's only for about 10 days, but now Dexter is experiencing the same side effects, and that simply will not do. If you've ever seen a perfectly peaceful newborn turn itchy and twitchy, as well as lose his ability to sleep you know what I mean. Supposedly seeing side effects in the infant is a rare occurence, but I see a dramatic change in his behavior, schedule, and respiration rate and I believe that it can only be attributed to the drug as nothing else has changed to cause such deviations from the norm.

Sooooo, it looks like we'll be pumping and dumping through the course of the prescription and then hopefully my milk supply will be strong enough to maintain without medication. If not, then I will raise the flag of surrender and go completely to formula.

I'm definitely dealing with some very real feelings of inadequacy and disappointment over the whole deal (I've never had trouble nursing), but even the lactation consultants are telling me to give up the ghost and quit worrying so much about being his buffet and more about being his mother. They could have a point.....

I guess I'll go try to lay down and see if sleep is possible. I feel so odd at this point, that I feel I could crawl out of my skin and sit beside myself for awhile. I hope this is worth it in the end. ;)