Becca's Hospital Bag Advice

Socks? Check. Lip Balm? Check. CD of Relaxing Music? Check. But, trust me, you're missing the important stuff. Here's my post about all the things you should know about/bring to the hospital but Parent's magazine doesn't dare include in it's cute little "Hospital Check List"......

CANDY
It has been my experience that nurses, doctors, residents and med students love candy more than life itself. You rarely see one without a lollipop hidden somewhere on their anatomy (and trust me that whole "it's for the kids" thing is an absolute lie. it's for them and it really makes them mad when some snotty kid guilts them out of their cherry sucker). I highly recommend bringing a truckload of Snickers and Blow Pops to your labor and delivery. It will make your room the most popular in the maternity ward and they respond to your buzzes faster. Really.

CRAYON & PAPER
Your boobs will never be this big again. Pop them out on the table in front of you and trace around those babies for the memory book. Extra points if you color them in and add little flowers where the nipples are.

THE UGLY NURSE
Make friends with the ugliest nurse you see. You'll recognize her, trust me. You see the ugly nurse has been there a long, long time and is usually grumpy verging on abusive. She hates her life, her job and you. If you manage to make friends with the ugly nurse, your life will become immeasurably pleasant as the ugly nurse has connections. She will bring you the softest sheets, the special order menu from the cafeteria, and make sure you have real towels and not handtowels to dry off with. She's not used to people being nice to her; after all she is the ugly nurse. NOW, I know your first instinct is to make friends with the pretty, happy nurse but your logic is flawed. The pretty, happy nurse has lots of friends, a handsome husband, an expensive car, and a life. She doesn't care if your nice to her. Trust me; go find the ugly nurse - the payoff is worth it.

and last, but not least..............
YOUR OWN D@MN BALLOON
Because your husband won't go to the gift shop and get you one. Because they're too expensive. Because they're too obnoxious. Because all they had left was "Congratulations on Your Twin Girls"................. Next time, I'm walking into that hospital with my own d@mn balloon.