Hydrangea Hoedown

So, I am training for a rather complex new part of my job. It is a challenge even for spastic (yet unapprecietedly brilliant) me. I had a shrink once that said I had ADD but I couldn't listen to him long enough to understand what that meant. I think I understand now.

I am also working having to work through the new curriculum, exactly as the kids will, in advance of them. In other words, I go to 2nd grade math, social studies, language arts, science and bible every night. I also go to 4th grade math, social studies, language arts, science and bible every night. Oh, and by the way I also go to 6th grade math, social studies, language arts, science and bible every night. I also go to pre-k but I can't complain there; I have this whole color and shapes thing down flat. Now let's not add in the enrichment activities I plan or the elective schedules (foreign languages, etc.) that the girls are dying to start this semester. Mind you, I'm not complaining. I have a well documented fear of women's thighs and let me tell you this: there is an immeasurable amount of women's thighs in a PTA meeting; absolutely immeasurable. Therefore I consider myself lucky; I teach and by doing so manage to avoid most situations involving cellulite spread over metal folding chairs. I just wanted you to understand be really impressed with and send me candy what I do every night.

Anyway, all of the above was leading to the fact that Dexter got horribly sick today. Fever sitting at 102 and projectile vomiting; so dehydrated the diarrhea wasn't working out for him and up so many times last night the neighbors said horrible things and I heard them through the floor. Buttheads, anyway..... Called the pedi and she has so many other babies in the office with the same thing she wouldn't even see him. Sooooooooo he's on pedialyte for 24 hours, a tylenol/ibuprofen cocktail, and lots of wiggling & jiggling while pacing. So I'm doing that while going back and forth from my computer classes and to the homeschool area to the curriculum.

I was going to complain about my marriage this post but will instead tell you that I bought a lovely bouquet of flowers today and smashed it on accident. And for anyone that is feeling like this post is a downer - YOU'RE WRONG.

I'm actually having a good day and just wanted to point out that I am a total bad ass. Therefore you should appreciate me more and add my name back to the family tree. And you should send me candy.

Christianity Goes Camping

Christianity has divided itself hundreds of times over the years. But it seems to me, and I could be oversimplifying here, that there are 2 camps of Christians in modern America. One that seeks to bring the Bible to the believer where he is at, and the second that attempts to bring the believer to the Bible where it is at (has always been).

And you can't join the two systems because they are foundationally at odds with each other in every single aspect. In fact, to subscribe to the biblical approach of the first, one must assume that scripture is A) not inerrant and B) open for interpretation - this camp leans heavily on teachers to tell them what it is they believe exactly and are easily swayed from the hottest new published book to the most attractive new singer to the best put together website or radio show. To subscribe to the second, one must assume the exact opposite, meaning that the Bible is in fact inerrant, and is not open to interpretation but is instead a literal communication. This group does value teachers but believe self study of scripture is absolutely necessary, which, to be fair, has on occasion led to things like Jonestown.

Pondering, pondering, pondering.................... I wonder which camp of thought wrote the curriculum I purchased? =sigh= Off to investigate. I should've done so before purchase but I had a molecular genetics induced panic attack. It happens. And if you reread that you'll understand why it's so deserately humourous. Or not.

I'm Such A Loser

I just ordered a boxed curriculum for my offspring. I deserve to die a slow painful death that involves equally sloths and chocolate syrup.

I, however, cannot go on in the fashion that we are doing at this point. I am driving myself into the ground attempting to design a curriculum for 4 different grade levels in 5 core subjects (plus enrichment activities).

At 4AM this morning as I sat feeding my very fat and greedy little darling (because sleeping through the night is for loooooosers according to Dexter), it occured to me that if I opened the living room windows and jumped out in an exuberant fashion that the odds of actually dying were in my favor. And I think it was at that point I realized that something had to change.

And while I was pondering whether it would be unwise to ask Michael for help opening said window it occured to me that Summer is headed straight into molecular genetics. C'mon people, make an effort to stay with me; you're making this all very difficult........... And I threw up a little. I then spent a large portion of time trying to figure out a way to tie such a study into the current route of our curriculum this year and I realized 3 things:

1. I don't care about molecular genetics. I don't care at all.
   
2. I don't know anything about molecular genetics. Certainly not enough to formulate a curriculum aspect about it.
   
3. Michael has moved into the lab and so, while he knows a great deal about molecular genetics, he isn't currently taking our calls (j/k).

And so I did a very shameful thing. I bought a boxed curriculum. And I must admit that I feel equally relieved and guilty. But let's face it kids, I'm worn out and I'm talking on a deeper level than sleep is going to fix.

I'm off to do pennance in the corner while eating a Snickers bar and quietly giggling about all the new free time I'm going to have................ yeah, and if a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its ass when it hopped.

The Color Red Is In The Building

Mom: Today we're working on red, Lang. Are apples red?
Lang: yep
Mom: Let's color them red then
Lang: (scribbles wildly across the paper)
Mom: How about a valentine heart? Is that red?
Lang: 'spose I guess yit yis
Mom: Fair enough. Well, color it red cause we 'spose it's red
Lang: (scribbles a little less enthusiastically)
Mom: How about strawberries? Yum, yum! Are they red?
Lang: They yar now............ (scribbles one weak line) I'm yeaving. Don't fayow me.

Fayow means follow for those who don't speak toddler. Yes he actually said this. Yes I blame his sisters. And yes we were done for the day. I must say it went much better than Blue day.